Take Me Down to the Paradise City...
Published Tuesday, February 12, 2008 by T-Man | E-mail this post
…Where the grass is green and the girls are pretty…
Classic songs, like Paradise City, by Guns n’ Roses, deserve to be in games that will one day be hailed as classics themselves. While the song has not as of yet made it onto Guitar Hero, it managed to weasel its way into a brand-new driving game that goes by the alias of Burnout: Paradise.
How do I know this? Why, because I bought the game, of course! For my twelfth birthday, actually. Along with Super Dragon Ball Z, Shenmue II (which just happened to be an edition that came with Shenmue the Movie), a glass diamond that looked like a green Chaos Emerald (which I bought because it was cool…and cheap…), Metroid Prime 3: Corruption, 2000 Wii Points (which I used to buy Super Metroid and The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past), Metroid II: Return of Samus, (which officially completes my Metroid collection because I got Metroid Prime 3 and Super Metroid!) giant wooden replicas of the Buster Sword and Gunblade from Final Fantasies VII and VIII, respectively (which are probably the most awesome things I’ve ever bought!), and a wooden replica of the Master Sword (which is also awesome) and Guitar Hero 3 are on their way from Amazon, which is also where I preordered Super Smash Bros. Brawl, which, sadly, was delayed until March 9 (CURSE YOU, NINTENDO!!!). But this is a review, not an overview of my birthday presents! So let’s get on with it.
Oh, won’t you please take me ho-ome…
It’s fast. It’s furious. It’s the Burnout series and it’s back with its seventh installment. Actually, the only one besides this one that I’ve REALLY played is Revenge, the fourth game. I bought Burnout 3: Takedown, but the inability to traffic check got on my nerves too much for me to enjoy it. But maybe I’ll try to get into it sometime… Perhaps as soon as I’m done with this one. I haven’t been playing this one much lately, either, though, because I’ve been too into the games I bought for the Virtual Console! As soon as I get done with them, though, I’ll work my way to the Burnout License.
Oh, yes, there are several licenses to get. When you start the game, you have a Learner’s Permit. As you win more events scattered throughout Paradise City, your license will be upgraded. When you make it past Class A, you get a Burnout License. But, there is one problem here: the game is TERRIBLY difficult. When you begin, it’s not going to be too hard, but not painfully easy, either; just right. But once you get your Class B License, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Non-enemy cars will fly out of no where in an attempt to total your car, and your enemies are so fast, that even with a speed car that can perform infinite burnouts, you won’t win before much trial and error. And, unlike in Revenge, if you go to fast and the side of your car hits a wall, you, well, wreck. AND I CAN ONLY TRAFFIC CHECK WHEN I'M GOING SLOW?!!! Yet, it will still manage to keep you severely addicted until you get the fabled Burnout License.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. I still haven’t covered the most prominent new feature: the huge, open-ended world of Paradise City. When you think of Burnout, you probably think of a straightforward driving game. But not this time. You’re free to explore and try events at Paradise City to your heart’s content. When you come to a traffic light, just press both L & R triggers to start! It could be a race, a Road Rage challenge--you name it! I’m best at Road Rage, particularly. It’s all about getting Takedowns, the driving game equivalent of kills. Except, so the game wouldn’t get an M-rating, no one gets killed, because there are NO DRIVERS IN THE CARS!!! How little sense does that make?!!! Whatever…
Of course, this open-endedness CAN get in the way at times, particularly during Race, Marked Man, and Stunt Run events. During a race, when you come to an intersection and there’s a certain road you need to turn onto, the road’s name blinks at the top of the screen (and it’s positioned on either side of the name of the road you’re on at the top of the screen to tell which direction to turn to get onto that road), which is good. Problem is, you make a wrong turn, and you’re in eighth (or sixth in some races) place with no hope of winning the race. As for Marked Man, there are several enemy cars attempting to total yours. You make it to the place you need to go, and you win. Well, there’s this mini-map that helps you get around Paradise City, and important places (like places that paint your car, gas stations, junkyards, and auto-repair shops) are added to your mini-map when you find him. But the problem with THAT is, when the damage to your car is critical, you’re usually miles away from the nearest auto repair shop on your map, so you’re probably doomed. And as for Stunt Run…well, there are these Super Jump ramps that give you a LOT of points if you jump off them. But good luck finding them while doing a Stunt Run.
Burnout X100!
Not every car has the same characteristics anymore. While the usual strength/speed rules apply as to how fast it goes, that’s not all there is anymore. With the advent of the new Stun Run challenges, when you choose a car at a junkyard, the stunt performance of a car is also shown! But that’s not as big a change to the cars as this: there are actually Stunt class cars!
OK, there are three classes of cars that I’m familiar with: Stunt, Speed, and Aggression. Now, the Stunt cars are not made specifically for stunts--they’re actually all-around cars that will meet all of your needs. They’re usually fairly fast and have a good amount of boost in them, but my favorite class of cars is the Speed class, or, as I like to call it, the n00b class. Why is it the n00b class? Well, here’s the deal: you can’t use your boost until the boost bar is full. BUT once it is, you can let loose with it, baby! If you use it all in one go, you perform a “burnout” and the boost bar refills itself. Sometimes it won’t refill all of it, but it usually will. If you continue to use it up, you just keep performing burnouts and the bar keeps refilling. But if you do this, you’re in much danger of crashing, which I have apparently yet to learn. But anyway, that’s why it’s called the n00b class.
The last class of car is known as the “Aggression” class. This class of cars borrows an element from past Burnout games: whenever you get a Takedown, you can use more boost, but when you crash, the boost bar cuts down. But still, the n00b class always comes out on top.
It’s Showtime, Baby!
One of the best new features of the game is the Showtime mode. This AWESOME mode replaces Crash Mode from past games, but is ten times more AWESOME than Crash Mode, which was also AWESOME, but not as AWESOME as this AWESOME mode! Just press LB & RB at the same time on any road and suddenly you will begin to bounce around. When you hit the ground, just press A to jump back up. The goal in mind is to make as much money as possible by destroying other cars. To get a lot of money, you’ve gotta keep your boost up, which is depleting quickly. How do you do that? Why, by hitting cars, of course! If you hit a bus, then your score is multiplied! Why do I love Showtime, you ask? Because, in games that allow it, I love to wreak havoc. This game doesn’t exactly let you traffic check the way I’d like for it to, so this is a great way to wreak havoc! I can hit over 100 cars on major highways! In fact, Showtime could very well be my favorite thing to do in the game, especially online! I don’t care about challenges that much--I only like to do Showtime!
And to close my review, I have to cover the graphics and sound of the game. The graphics are some of the best on the console! Everything is shiny and detailed. When certain things happen (when damage to your car is critical, your boost is about to run out during Showtime, or when you wreck), the background changes to red and gray. Even though the wrecks are annoying, they sure are spectacular! And then there’s the sound. Sound effects are realistic, and the game has real music (outside of some Burnout-specific tracks). An unexpected entry this time was Avril Lavigne’s hit single from her album Best Dang Thing, Girlfriend. A-hem:
Hey hey! You you!
I don’t like your girlfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one!
Hey hey! You you!
I can be your girlfriend!
OK, maybe I don’t sing so well. But still, that’s JUST GREAT that they put it on there! Maybe in the next Burnout game we can hear Fergalicious! (Vomits in mouth)
So What’s Good?
+ The new open-ended world
+ Different car classes
+ Showtime!!
+ Graphics are some of the best on the system!!!
+ But best of all, GIRLFRIEND!!!
…But Then What’s Bad?
- Unbearably difficult when you get to a certain point
- Open-endedness CAN get in the way
So What Are the Words?
Gameplay: Awesome! The good points of the open-endedness outweigh its shortcomings, thankfully, but the ultra-harsh difficulty is unforgivable.
Graphics: Pure Greatness!! Some of the best on the system!
Music and Sound: Awesome! Girlfriend, by Avril Lavigne = instant winner!
Final Word: Paradise! Despite all of its flaws, its name does not lie.
Coming Up Next… Be on the lookout for my Holes review!
Classic songs, like Paradise City, by Guns n’ Roses, deserve to be in games that will one day be hailed as classics themselves. While the song has not as of yet made it onto Guitar Hero, it managed to weasel its way into a brand-new driving game that goes by the alias of Burnout: Paradise.
How do I know this? Why, because I bought the game, of course! For my twelfth birthday, actually. Along with Super Dragon Ball Z, Shenmue II (which just happened to be an edition that came with Shenmue the Movie), a glass diamond that looked like a green Chaos Emerald (which I bought because it was cool…and cheap…), Metroid Prime 3: Corruption, 2000 Wii Points (which I used to buy Super Metroid and The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past), Metroid II: Return of Samus, (which officially completes my Metroid collection because I got Metroid Prime 3 and Super Metroid!) giant wooden replicas of the Buster Sword and Gunblade from Final Fantasies VII and VIII, respectively (which are probably the most awesome things I’ve ever bought!), and a wooden replica of the Master Sword (which is also awesome) and Guitar Hero 3 are on their way from Amazon, which is also where I preordered Super Smash Bros. Brawl, which, sadly, was delayed until March 9 (CURSE YOU, NINTENDO!!!). But this is a review, not an overview of my birthday presents! So let’s get on with it.
Oh, won’t you please take me ho-ome…
It’s fast. It’s furious. It’s the Burnout series and it’s back with its seventh installment. Actually, the only one besides this one that I’ve REALLY played is Revenge, the fourth game. I bought Burnout 3: Takedown, but the inability to traffic check got on my nerves too much for me to enjoy it. But maybe I’ll try to get into it sometime… Perhaps as soon as I’m done with this one. I haven’t been playing this one much lately, either, though, because I’ve been too into the games I bought for the Virtual Console! As soon as I get done with them, though, I’ll work my way to the Burnout License.
Oh, yes, there are several licenses to get. When you start the game, you have a Learner’s Permit. As you win more events scattered throughout Paradise City, your license will be upgraded. When you make it past Class A, you get a Burnout License. But, there is one problem here: the game is TERRIBLY difficult. When you begin, it’s not going to be too hard, but not painfully easy, either; just right. But once you get your Class B License, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Non-enemy cars will fly out of no where in an attempt to total your car, and your enemies are so fast, that even with a speed car that can perform infinite burnouts, you won’t win before much trial and error. And, unlike in Revenge, if you go to fast and the side of your car hits a wall, you, well, wreck. AND I CAN ONLY TRAFFIC CHECK WHEN I'M GOING SLOW?!!! Yet, it will still manage to keep you severely addicted until you get the fabled Burnout License.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. I still haven’t covered the most prominent new feature: the huge, open-ended world of Paradise City. When you think of Burnout, you probably think of a straightforward driving game. But not this time. You’re free to explore and try events at Paradise City to your heart’s content. When you come to a traffic light, just press both L & R triggers to start! It could be a race, a Road Rage challenge--you name it! I’m best at Road Rage, particularly. It’s all about getting Takedowns, the driving game equivalent of kills. Except, so the game wouldn’t get an M-rating, no one gets killed, because there are NO DRIVERS IN THE CARS!!! How little sense does that make?!!! Whatever…
Of course, this open-endedness CAN get in the way at times, particularly during Race, Marked Man, and Stunt Run events. During a race, when you come to an intersection and there’s a certain road you need to turn onto, the road’s name blinks at the top of the screen (and it’s positioned on either side of the name of the road you’re on at the top of the screen to tell which direction to turn to get onto that road), which is good. Problem is, you make a wrong turn, and you’re in eighth (or sixth in some races) place with no hope of winning the race. As for Marked Man, there are several enemy cars attempting to total yours. You make it to the place you need to go, and you win. Well, there’s this mini-map that helps you get around Paradise City, and important places (like places that paint your car, gas stations, junkyards, and auto-repair shops) are added to your mini-map when you find him. But the problem with THAT is, when the damage to your car is critical, you’re usually miles away from the nearest auto repair shop on your map, so you’re probably doomed. And as for Stunt Run…well, there are these Super Jump ramps that give you a LOT of points if you jump off them. But good luck finding them while doing a Stunt Run.
Burnout X100!
Not every car has the same characteristics anymore. While the usual strength/speed rules apply as to how fast it goes, that’s not all there is anymore. With the advent of the new Stun Run challenges, when you choose a car at a junkyard, the stunt performance of a car is also shown! But that’s not as big a change to the cars as this: there are actually Stunt class cars!
OK, there are three classes of cars that I’m familiar with: Stunt, Speed, and Aggression. Now, the Stunt cars are not made specifically for stunts--they’re actually all-around cars that will meet all of your needs. They’re usually fairly fast and have a good amount of boost in them, but my favorite class of cars is the Speed class, or, as I like to call it, the n00b class. Why is it the n00b class? Well, here’s the deal: you can’t use your boost until the boost bar is full. BUT once it is, you can let loose with it, baby! If you use it all in one go, you perform a “burnout” and the boost bar refills itself. Sometimes it won’t refill all of it, but it usually will. If you continue to use it up, you just keep performing burnouts and the bar keeps refilling. But if you do this, you’re in much danger of crashing, which I have apparently yet to learn. But anyway, that’s why it’s called the n00b class.
The last class of car is known as the “Aggression” class. This class of cars borrows an element from past Burnout games: whenever you get a Takedown, you can use more boost, but when you crash, the boost bar cuts down. But still, the n00b class always comes out on top.
It’s Showtime, Baby!
One of the best new features of the game is the Showtime mode. This AWESOME mode replaces Crash Mode from past games, but is ten times more AWESOME than Crash Mode, which was also AWESOME, but not as AWESOME as this AWESOME mode! Just press LB & RB at the same time on any road and suddenly you will begin to bounce around. When you hit the ground, just press A to jump back up. The goal in mind is to make as much money as possible by destroying other cars. To get a lot of money, you’ve gotta keep your boost up, which is depleting quickly. How do you do that? Why, by hitting cars, of course! If you hit a bus, then your score is multiplied! Why do I love Showtime, you ask? Because, in games that allow it, I love to wreak havoc. This game doesn’t exactly let you traffic check the way I’d like for it to, so this is a great way to wreak havoc! I can hit over 100 cars on major highways! In fact, Showtime could very well be my favorite thing to do in the game, especially online! I don’t care about challenges that much--I only like to do Showtime!
And to close my review, I have to cover the graphics and sound of the game. The graphics are some of the best on the console! Everything is shiny and detailed. When certain things happen (when damage to your car is critical, your boost is about to run out during Showtime, or when you wreck), the background changes to red and gray. Even though the wrecks are annoying, they sure are spectacular! And then there’s the sound. Sound effects are realistic, and the game has real music (outside of some Burnout-specific tracks). An unexpected entry this time was Avril Lavigne’s hit single from her album Best Dang Thing, Girlfriend. A-hem:
Hey hey! You you!
I don’t like your girlfriend!
No way! No way!
I think you need a new one!
Hey hey! You you!
I can be your girlfriend!
OK, maybe I don’t sing so well. But still, that’s JUST GREAT that they put it on there! Maybe in the next Burnout game we can hear Fergalicious! (Vomits in mouth)
So What’s Good?
+ The new open-ended world
+ Different car classes
+ Showtime!!
+ Graphics are some of the best on the system!!!
+ But best of all, GIRLFRIEND!!!
…But Then What’s Bad?
- Unbearably difficult when you get to a certain point
- Open-endedness CAN get in the way
So What Are the Words?
Gameplay: Awesome! The good points of the open-endedness outweigh its shortcomings, thankfully, but the ultra-harsh difficulty is unforgivable.
Graphics: Pure Greatness!! Some of the best on the system!
Music and Sound: Awesome! Girlfriend, by Avril Lavigne = instant winner!
Final Word: Paradise! Despite all of its flaws, its name does not lie.
Coming Up Next… Be on the lookout for my Holes review!
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