April Game News Brings May SUMMER VACATION!!!
Published Tuesday, April 1, 2008 by T-Man | E-mail this post
HELLO HELLO HELLO EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!! IT’S APRIL, MY SECOND FAVORITE MONTH!!!! DO YOU KNOW WHY?!!! BECAUSE IT’S THE MONTH BEFORE THE MONTH WHERE ALL KIDS GET OFF SCHOOL FOR SUMMER!!! AND TO CELEBRATE, HERE’S SOME WONDERFUL GAME NEWWWWWS!!!
To begin, I will state an important thing that Square Enix announced recently: the Final Fantasy VII PS3 remake is coming out, spring 2009. That’s right; that video we saw many years ago was actually the opening cutscene for the game. All retailers are already taking preorders for the game, and it’s already received over two million. It has also boosted up the sales of the PS3 significantly, regardless of the hefty price; it is now the leading console worldwide. In fact, Sony is selling so many PS3s that Nintendo and Microsoft are dwindling in popularity!
Also, Nintendo released a special channel for the Wii in order to compete, which allows you to download new content for Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Old characters, such as Roy, Pichu, and Mewtwo, among others are already up for grabs, as well as Liquid Snake and Master Chief. Nintendo and Microsoft, in their nervousness caused by the growing popularity of the PS3, have established an agreement which not only allows Master Chief to appear in Brawl, but also allows a special edition of Brawl to be released on the Xbox 360, with other characters such as Kameo. Unfortunately, Sonic will not appear in this edition, as Sega in getting back into the console business with Dreamcast 2, and they have already announced Shadow the Hedgehog 2, Sonic Adventure 3, NiGHTS 3, and a new and improved version of Sega Superstars Tennis. But I hear that Nintendo is trying to weasel in other Sonic content into the Wii version, like Tails and Knuckles as playable characters, as well as NiGHTS and his own stage, Spring Valley. But the downloadable content channel costs 50,000 Wii Points, so you’d better start saving!
Another interesting fact is that Luigi has been discovered in Super Mario 64, along with Wario and Yoshi (as a playable character). How do you unlock them? Go to the back of the star statue after getting all 120 Stars (but DON’T speak to Yoshi on the castle roof or you won’t be able to do this), and get behind it, and crawl around on it. Do that for about five minutes, then reset the game. The game should be retitled Super Luigi 64, and Luigi’s face should appear instead of Mario’s. Get all 120 Stars as Luigi, then crawl around on the star statue (which now says W is real) as him for about 10 minutes, and reset the game. The game will be retitled Super Wario 64, and Wario’s face should appear instead of Mario’s. Then, get all 120 Stars as Wario. Now, here’s where it gets complicated.
As Wario, notice how the star statue says “Y is real, run 2401.” Now, to get Yoshi, run around the statue 2401 times. Afterwards, crawl on the back of the star statue again for 30 minutes, and then reset the game 30 times to be able to play as Mario again. Get all 120 Stars, but this time DO talk to Yoshi, and he will say:
“WHAT?!! You found Luigi and Wario?!! And now you want to play as ME?!! NOOOO!!! I’VE BEEN FOUND OUT!!!!”
After that, you’ll be transported to a Bowser-like arena, and Yoshi will have transformed into a Bowser-like thing, and will say:
“Yes! I’m the true villain of this story! I hid Luigi and Wario, and challenged gamers with the task of getting them! How about a little wager, hm? You beat me, and you will unlock me. But if you don’t, the game cartridge will explode, and you’ll have to buy a new one! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”
Defeat him like you would Bowser, but be warned; if you lose, the game will explode. After winning, breathe a sigh of relief, as you have now unlocked Yoshi.
But you can also unlock Waluigi in the game. That’s right; his first appearance was not in Mario Party 3, but in Super Mario 64. How do you unlock him? Well…
Get Luigi again by getting all 120 Stars with Yoshi and crawling on the back of the star statue for five minutes and resetting the game, then, as Luigi, do what you normally would for getting Wario. After getting Wario, get all 120 Stars, run around the star statue 2401 times, and then talk to Yoshi and fight him as Wario. Afterwards, you’ll be able to play as Luigi again. Get 120 Stars, run around the star statue 2401 times, and kill Yoshi again. After that, Yoshi will once again be playable. Get 120 Stars, run around the star statue 2401 times, and then shoot to the top of the castle as Yoshi. Now, usually, as Yoshi, you wouldn’t meet a different Yoshi on top of the castle, but this time, you will. It will say:
“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!!! FIRST YOU UNLOCK LUIGI AND WARIO, THEN YOU UNLOCK ME, AND THEN YOU BEAT ME AS LUIGI AND WARIO, AND NOW YOU COME TO BEAT ME AS…ME?!!! That’s right; I’m merely a clone, Mr. Gamer Pants. I was created by the great and mighty Count Bleck, who will appear in a future Mario game. How do I know this? It’s not important.”
After being transported to the Bowser arena, he will say something different:
“Tell ya what, if you beat me again, I’ll let you play as Waluigi, and give you an extra file, too! I’ll then let you play as all other characters on different files freely! If you DO beat me again, I’ll also tell you how to get Waluigi in the upcoming remake of this game, Super Mario 64 DS, if you beat me after getting 120 Stars as ALL of the characters! But as always, if you lose, the game will explode and all that work you put into unlocking all these people will have amounted to nothing.”
So, there ya have it! But that’s not ALL of the news I’ve got. In both Zelda games released for the Nintendo 64, the Triforce has been discovered! In Ocarina, all you need is the Mask of Truth, Bombs, Ocarina of Time, and an Empty Bottle (and must have all sage medallions). As an adult, go behind the Deku Tree’s roots to find a gossip stone. Now, usually, you can’t wear masks as an adult, but while Navi’s cursor is on the gossip stone, you can. After talking to it, lay a bomb beside it, and as it blasts off, play the Song of Time. Several Time Blocks that lead to a switch in the Deku Tree's crown that re-opens its mouth will appear. After completing the dungeon again as an adult, Kaine will appear and give you the Triforce of Courage and tell you to go back to the Dodongo’s Cavern.
Complete the Dodongo’s Cavern again and Kaine will give you the Triforce of Power and tell you to use the flames from Death Mountain to unfreeze Zora’s Domain. The portal will take you to Darunia’s Secret Room in the ceiling of his normal room, where you can bottle up some Pure Lava, which can supposedly “melt an entire frozen domain!” Go back to Zora’s Domain, and pour some Pure Lava on the ice to melt it. Afterwards, sink to the bottom with the Iron Boots, and go into the cave that's normally unreachable. Complete this mini-dungeon to unfreeze Zora's Fountain. This will also unfreeze Jabu-Jabu, so bottle up a fish, and let him eat you. Complete the dungeon as an adult and Kaine will award you with the Triforce of Wisdom!
How do you get it in Majora’s Mask, you ask? Well, first make sure you have EVERYTHING—that means every mask (including the Fierce Deity’s Mask) and every Piece of Heart—and do the “Fierce Deity Link in Termina” trick, and, at midnight on the final day, go into the waterworks, and the door leading back into Hyrule that is normally sealed will be open again. So, make your way back into the woods where you met the Skull Kid (getting across will be much easier now, because in Hyrule, Fierce Deity Link can jump high and float for some reason), and you will meet back up with Navi, who will give you ALL THREE PIECES OF THE TRIFORCE!!! Afterwards, beat the game again for an extra-special ending!
So, there you have it. All the latest game news in April. If you are unable to preorder Final Fantasy VII, or you have trouble finding the Smash downloadable content channel, unlocking Luigi, or getting the Triforce, just keep this in mind: APRIL FOOLS!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!
To begin, I will state an important thing that Square Enix announced recently: the Final Fantasy VII PS3 remake is coming out, spring 2009. That’s right; that video we saw many years ago was actually the opening cutscene for the game. All retailers are already taking preorders for the game, and it’s already received over two million. It has also boosted up the sales of the PS3 significantly, regardless of the hefty price; it is now the leading console worldwide. In fact, Sony is selling so many PS3s that Nintendo and Microsoft are dwindling in popularity!
Also, Nintendo released a special channel for the Wii in order to compete, which allows you to download new content for Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Old characters, such as Roy, Pichu, and Mewtwo, among others are already up for grabs, as well as Liquid Snake and Master Chief. Nintendo and Microsoft, in their nervousness caused by the growing popularity of the PS3, have established an agreement which not only allows Master Chief to appear in Brawl, but also allows a special edition of Brawl to be released on the Xbox 360, with other characters such as Kameo. Unfortunately, Sonic will not appear in this edition, as Sega in getting back into the console business with Dreamcast 2, and they have already announced Shadow the Hedgehog 2, Sonic Adventure 3, NiGHTS 3, and a new and improved version of Sega Superstars Tennis. But I hear that Nintendo is trying to weasel in other Sonic content into the Wii version, like Tails and Knuckles as playable characters, as well as NiGHTS and his own stage, Spring Valley. But the downloadable content channel costs 50,000 Wii Points, so you’d better start saving!
Another interesting fact is that Luigi has been discovered in Super Mario 64, along with Wario and Yoshi (as a playable character). How do you unlock them? Go to the back of the star statue after getting all 120 Stars (but DON’T speak to Yoshi on the castle roof or you won’t be able to do this), and get behind it, and crawl around on it. Do that for about five minutes, then reset the game. The game should be retitled Super Luigi 64, and Luigi’s face should appear instead of Mario’s. Get all 120 Stars as Luigi, then crawl around on the star statue (which now says W is real) as him for about 10 minutes, and reset the game. The game will be retitled Super Wario 64, and Wario’s face should appear instead of Mario’s. Then, get all 120 Stars as Wario. Now, here’s where it gets complicated.
As Wario, notice how the star statue says “Y is real, run 2401.” Now, to get Yoshi, run around the statue 2401 times. Afterwards, crawl on the back of the star statue again for 30 minutes, and then reset the game 30 times to be able to play as Mario again. Get all 120 Stars, but this time DO talk to Yoshi, and he will say:
“WHAT?!! You found Luigi and Wario?!! And now you want to play as ME?!! NOOOO!!! I’VE BEEN FOUND OUT!!!!”
After that, you’ll be transported to a Bowser-like arena, and Yoshi will have transformed into a Bowser-like thing, and will say:
“Yes! I’m the true villain of this story! I hid Luigi and Wario, and challenged gamers with the task of getting them! How about a little wager, hm? You beat me, and you will unlock me. But if you don’t, the game cartridge will explode, and you’ll have to buy a new one! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”
Defeat him like you would Bowser, but be warned; if you lose, the game will explode. After winning, breathe a sigh of relief, as you have now unlocked Yoshi.
But you can also unlock Waluigi in the game. That’s right; his first appearance was not in Mario Party 3, but in Super Mario 64. How do you unlock him? Well…
Get Luigi again by getting all 120 Stars with Yoshi and crawling on the back of the star statue for five minutes and resetting the game, then, as Luigi, do what you normally would for getting Wario. After getting Wario, get all 120 Stars, run around the star statue 2401 times, and then talk to Yoshi and fight him as Wario. Afterwards, you’ll be able to play as Luigi again. Get 120 Stars, run around the star statue 2401 times, and kill Yoshi again. After that, Yoshi will once again be playable. Get 120 Stars, run around the star statue 2401 times, and then shoot to the top of the castle as Yoshi. Now, usually, as Yoshi, you wouldn’t meet a different Yoshi on top of the castle, but this time, you will. It will say:
“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!!! FIRST YOU UNLOCK LUIGI AND WARIO, THEN YOU UNLOCK ME, AND THEN YOU BEAT ME AS LUIGI AND WARIO, AND NOW YOU COME TO BEAT ME AS…ME?!!! That’s right; I’m merely a clone, Mr. Gamer Pants. I was created by the great and mighty Count Bleck, who will appear in a future Mario game. How do I know this? It’s not important.”
After being transported to the Bowser arena, he will say something different:
“Tell ya what, if you beat me again, I’ll let you play as Waluigi, and give you an extra file, too! I’ll then let you play as all other characters on different files freely! If you DO beat me again, I’ll also tell you how to get Waluigi in the upcoming remake of this game, Super Mario 64 DS, if you beat me after getting 120 Stars as ALL of the characters! But as always, if you lose, the game will explode and all that work you put into unlocking all these people will have amounted to nothing.”
So, there ya have it! But that’s not ALL of the news I’ve got. In both Zelda games released for the Nintendo 64, the Triforce has been discovered! In Ocarina, all you need is the Mask of Truth, Bombs, Ocarina of Time, and an Empty Bottle (and must have all sage medallions). As an adult, go behind the Deku Tree’s roots to find a gossip stone. Now, usually, you can’t wear masks as an adult, but while Navi’s cursor is on the gossip stone, you can. After talking to it, lay a bomb beside it, and as it blasts off, play the Song of Time. Several Time Blocks that lead to a switch in the Deku Tree's crown that re-opens its mouth will appear. After completing the dungeon again as an adult, Kaine will appear and give you the Triforce of Courage and tell you to go back to the Dodongo’s Cavern.
Complete the Dodongo’s Cavern again and Kaine will give you the Triforce of Power and tell you to use the flames from Death Mountain to unfreeze Zora’s Domain. The portal will take you to Darunia’s Secret Room in the ceiling of his normal room, where you can bottle up some Pure Lava, which can supposedly “melt an entire frozen domain!” Go back to Zora’s Domain, and pour some Pure Lava on the ice to melt it. Afterwards, sink to the bottom with the Iron Boots, and go into the cave that's normally unreachable. Complete this mini-dungeon to unfreeze Zora's Fountain. This will also unfreeze Jabu-Jabu, so bottle up a fish, and let him eat you. Complete the dungeon as an adult and Kaine will award you with the Triforce of Wisdom!
How do you get it in Majora’s Mask, you ask? Well, first make sure you have EVERYTHING—that means every mask (including the Fierce Deity’s Mask) and every Piece of Heart—and do the “Fierce Deity Link in Termina” trick, and, at midnight on the final day, go into the waterworks, and the door leading back into Hyrule that is normally sealed will be open again. So, make your way back into the woods where you met the Skull Kid (getting across will be much easier now, because in Hyrule, Fierce Deity Link can jump high and float for some reason), and you will meet back up with Navi, who will give you ALL THREE PIECES OF THE TRIFORCE!!! Afterwards, beat the game again for an extra-special ending!
So, there you have it. All the latest game news in April. If you are unable to preorder Final Fantasy VII, or you have trouble finding the Smash downloadable content channel, unlocking Luigi, or getting the Triforce, just keep this in mind: APRIL FOOLS!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!
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