"You've got a plasma pistol, and I've got an assault rifle, and you won't beat me because you've got a plasma pistol, and the plasma pistol stinks, because I've got an assault rifle! HAH HOO HAH!!!"
YAY!! YEAH!!! WOOHOO!!! ...Can I stop floating now?
"Mustn't...stop...smiling... Try...to...ignore...flaming thumb..."
Y'know, E.T. was good for something; its case could easily be used to store complimentary Rece's pieces once the game was thoroughly cremated. Then again, you could probably do that with any case.
Use this alien-related case instead. That way, they won't get defiled by E.T.'s awfulness! ZIM cases can also be used for storing rubber piggies, spooky chihuahuas, and even moose!
One of my last game reviews (in the midst of at least half a dozen music reviews) was that of Halo 2. You see, as I have mentioned in three separate articles (this will make four), my mother had recently let me play Halo, and I wanted to beat each game in the trilogy. Actually, so far, I have completed each one on co-op mode with my cousin (with the exception of the last few levels on the first game, which I had to complete the rest of the way on my own because he got tired of it).
Like Halo 2, Halo 3 brings some new weapons into the mix. The game has flamethrowers, Brute spikers, gravity hammers, and many more. There are even different types of grenades! The assault rifle returns from the first game. It's more powerful, but only uses 32 shots per clip. The magnum is now much more powerful, with a four-headshot kill going for it. Dual wielding returns, which really isn't a surprise. However, the same "no melee and no grenades" rule applies. There are also several new vehicles, such as the Chopper and Prowler.
Rather than both players using Master Chief or the Arbiter in co-op, depending on the stage, one player controls Master Chief and the other controls the Arbiter, since they are now allies. Master Chief respawns with the Battle Rifle and Assault Rife, while the Arbiter, when he dies, respawns with the [rather crappy] Plasma Rifle and Covenant Carbine. The co-op runs much smoother than in previous games, with no slowdown whatsoever.
The game is no longer unbearably difficult when it comes to Flood missions. Melee simply OWNS them, not to mention that they're only in the last few levels of the game. In fact (spoiler), in one level they side with you. In that stage, it's best to hang around and let them kill the Covenant. They're also not nearly as abundant, also helping to make Flood-infested levels easier.
So What's Good?
+ You get to "finish the fight"
+ New weapons
+ Assault rifle is back
+ New vehicles
+ Co-op makes more sense story-wise
+ The Flood levels are easier
+ Great multiplayer and online play
+ Overall just more fun than the others
+ Phenomenal story, although this can be said for all the Halo games
…But Then What's Bad?
- Very minor, but the Arbiter always respawns with crappy weapons
Overall, Halo 3 receives a 5 out of 5. Sure, it's got all kinds of improvements, but it's overall simply more fun than the others. It is one of the greatest games I've ever played, just like its predecessors.
Like Halo 2, Halo 3 brings some new weapons into the mix. The game has flamethrowers, Brute spikers, gravity hammers, and many more. There are even different types of grenades! The assault rifle returns from the first game. It's more powerful, but only uses 32 shots per clip. The magnum is now much more powerful, with a four-headshot kill going for it. Dual wielding returns, which really isn't a surprise. However, the same "no melee and no grenades" rule applies. There are also several new vehicles, such as the Chopper and Prowler.
Rather than both players using Master Chief or the Arbiter in co-op, depending on the stage, one player controls Master Chief and the other controls the Arbiter, since they are now allies. Master Chief respawns with the Battle Rifle and Assault Rife, while the Arbiter, when he dies, respawns with the [rather crappy] Plasma Rifle and Covenant Carbine. The co-op runs much smoother than in previous games, with no slowdown whatsoever.
The game is no longer unbearably difficult when it comes to Flood missions. Melee simply OWNS them, not to mention that they're only in the last few levels of the game. In fact (spoiler), in one level they side with you. In that stage, it's best to hang around and let them kill the Covenant. They're also not nearly as abundant, also helping to make Flood-infested levels easier.
So What's Good?
+ You get to "finish the fight"
+ New weapons
+ Assault rifle is back
+ New vehicles
+ Co-op makes more sense story-wise
+ The Flood levels are easier
+ Great multiplayer and online play
+ Overall just more fun than the others
+ Phenomenal story, although this can be said for all the Halo games
…But Then What's Bad?
- Very minor, but the Arbiter always respawns with crappy weapons
Overall, Halo 3 receives a 5 out of 5. Sure, it's got all kinds of improvements, but it's overall simply more fun than the others. It is one of the greatest games I've ever played, just like its predecessors.
Wooooaaaaaaaah...
"Nintendo fanboy, your angel of death awaiiiiiits..."
"Uh...uh-uh...uh.... Hope no one notices the brown patch on these green clothes..."
Love lift us up...
"Farting at the speed of sound!"
"Look into my eyeeeeeeeeesssss...oh, wait, you can't."
And THAT, my friends, was my first and rather short words and pictures.
It's been awhile since I did a review for an older game. I've been trying to only review new games or games I had recently beaten for the first time, which is probably why there have been so many music reviews. Still, I have opinions on games that I want to show the world, and Star Fox Assault is one of them.
Although most of us, at this point, have probably not played Star Fox Assault for years in favor of the overall much better Command, I feel like taking a break from my newer games every now and then. When I first played Star Fox Assault, I loved it, finding the ground-based combat a cool new feature (probably because I played on Bronze Mode). Now, however…that's not the case.
While I still find the Arwing missions fun and enjoyable, the ground-based missions just don't fit in the Star Fox formula…which is a problem, considering 60% of your time playing will be spent on the ground, hunting for Aparoid Hatchers or what-have-you. Several of them are tedious, some taking almost half an hour to complete. If you are going to buy the game or are just coming back to it, do yourself a favor and play on Bronze, the easiest difficulty.
The very first thing you'll notice when outside of your Arwing is that the controls don't feel right. It doesn't matter which control setting you use; it's always irresponsive, and the button mapping just doesn't work out. On the default control setting, turning the camera is a pain the butt because you have to stand perfectly still, leaving yourself open for a nearby attack.
There are also several problems with the weapons. The blaster has to be charged up to be worth a crap, and, since there are usually enemies everywhere, it's practically impossible to charge it up successfully. Its charged shot is also pretty much the only thing that can kill big enemies, and having to cycle through all your weapons to get to it leaves you vulnerable to attack. The machine and gattling guns are rapid fire weapons, but they are extremely weak and run out of ammo quickly. It's extremely hard to get a grenade to hit a target, and they're pretty much useless anyway. The sniper rifle can only be used for sniping, and nothing more. The only weapon that I can't think of any criticism for is the rocket launcher.
Returning from Star Fox 64 is the abysmal wingmate A.I., and it's worse than ever. You'll be searching for Aparoid Hatchers or whatever the level's target is, and then you get transmissions from your partners telling you to kill the guys behind them. Of course, what they expect you to do is hop in a Landmaster tank or Arwing and shoot the enemies down. Unfortunately, it's very annoying and hard to find them, so you'll think you can just forget it. But they bug you and bug you and BUG you literally until they die. It's worth it just to shut them up.
It's not all bad outside of the Arwing, though. The easier ground missions are a lot of fun. The hard/long ones aren't necessarily awful, but they are a lot more fun when playing on Bronze Mode. The multiplayer, however, is awesome! In multiplayer, you and a friend face off against each other, annihilating each other on foot, in the Landmaster, or in the Arwing. There are also other modes, such as controlling a rocket from a rocket launcher to hit your opponent with it. The only problem with the multiplayer is that there is no co-op for the Story Mode.
Aside from the poorly written dialogue and sometimes-abysmal voice acting, the story is pretty good. However, the game is extremely, unforgivably, and indubitably SHORT, having only 10 missions, and only a sparse few are played on-rails. Of course, there is replay value, like getting the medals, flags, and playing Survival Mode (a mode in which you play through the entire game without saving), but there is still no excuse for its short length.
So, to sum it all up for you…
So What's Good?
+ Arwing levels are still great
+ Easier on-foot missions are fun
+ Multiplayer is great
+ Replay value is pretty high
…But Then What's Bad?
- Some on-foot missions are hard/long
- The controls are hard to master on any setting
- Several weapons have flaws
- The wingmate A.I. is simply awful
- No co-op?
- Poorly-written scenes
- Inexcusably short length
Overall, Star Fox Assault receives a 3 out of 5. It's a fun game, but it needed more work.
Although most of us, at this point, have probably not played Star Fox Assault for years in favor of the overall much better Command, I feel like taking a break from my newer games every now and then. When I first played Star Fox Assault, I loved it, finding the ground-based combat a cool new feature (probably because I played on Bronze Mode). Now, however…that's not the case.
While I still find the Arwing missions fun and enjoyable, the ground-based missions just don't fit in the Star Fox formula…which is a problem, considering 60% of your time playing will be spent on the ground, hunting for Aparoid Hatchers or what-have-you. Several of them are tedious, some taking almost half an hour to complete. If you are going to buy the game or are just coming back to it, do yourself a favor and play on Bronze, the easiest difficulty.
The very first thing you'll notice when outside of your Arwing is that the controls don't feel right. It doesn't matter which control setting you use; it's always irresponsive, and the button mapping just doesn't work out. On the default control setting, turning the camera is a pain the butt because you have to stand perfectly still, leaving yourself open for a nearby attack.
There are also several problems with the weapons. The blaster has to be charged up to be worth a crap, and, since there are usually enemies everywhere, it's practically impossible to charge it up successfully. Its charged shot is also pretty much the only thing that can kill big enemies, and having to cycle through all your weapons to get to it leaves you vulnerable to attack. The machine and gattling guns are rapid fire weapons, but they are extremely weak and run out of ammo quickly. It's extremely hard to get a grenade to hit a target, and they're pretty much useless anyway. The sniper rifle can only be used for sniping, and nothing more. The only weapon that I can't think of any criticism for is the rocket launcher.
Returning from Star Fox 64 is the abysmal wingmate A.I., and it's worse than ever. You'll be searching for Aparoid Hatchers or whatever the level's target is, and then you get transmissions from your partners telling you to kill the guys behind them. Of course, what they expect you to do is hop in a Landmaster tank or Arwing and shoot the enemies down. Unfortunately, it's very annoying and hard to find them, so you'll think you can just forget it. But they bug you and bug you and BUG you literally until they die. It's worth it just to shut them up.
It's not all bad outside of the Arwing, though. The easier ground missions are a lot of fun. The hard/long ones aren't necessarily awful, but they are a lot more fun when playing on Bronze Mode. The multiplayer, however, is awesome! In multiplayer, you and a friend face off against each other, annihilating each other on foot, in the Landmaster, or in the Arwing. There are also other modes, such as controlling a rocket from a rocket launcher to hit your opponent with it. The only problem with the multiplayer is that there is no co-op for the Story Mode.
Aside from the poorly written dialogue and sometimes-abysmal voice acting, the story is pretty good. However, the game is extremely, unforgivably, and indubitably SHORT, having only 10 missions, and only a sparse few are played on-rails. Of course, there is replay value, like getting the medals, flags, and playing Survival Mode (a mode in which you play through the entire game without saving), but there is still no excuse for its short length.
So, to sum it all up for you…
So What's Good?
+ Arwing levels are still great
+ Easier on-foot missions are fun
+ Multiplayer is great
+ Replay value is pretty high
…But Then What's Bad?
- Some on-foot missions are hard/long
- The controls are hard to master on any setting
- Several weapons have flaws
- The wingmate A.I. is simply awful
- No co-op?
- Poorly-written scenes
- Inexcusably short length
Overall, Star Fox Assault receives a 3 out of 5. It's a fun game, but it needed more work.
You know, Welcome To The Black Parade is my favorite song now...
Published Tuesday, August 5, 2008 by T-Man.
Considering that there has only been one game review in the midst of several music reviews, I want this to be the last music review I write for a while.
One music review to rule them all, one music review to bind them, one music review to…you know the rest.
Anyway, My Chemical Romance achieved massive success four years ago, with their album Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge, and released smash singles Helena and I'm Not Okay (I Promise). Yes, they were…quite overrated. Since I haven't heard many more than those two songs off their first CD (I've probably heard more, but that's all I remember), it's probably not exactly my place to say, but the only great song from that album that I've heard was Helena.
Either way, that doesn't change the fact that their latest CD, The Black Parade, is simply wonderful. Released two years ago, it is meant to be a story, with the songs being chapters in a book. With my 12-year-old lyric-deciphering abilities, I didn't necessarily get some of the lyrics, but I'll do the best I can…
Foreword: The End
Chapter 1: Dead!
Chapter 2: This Is How I Disappear
Chapter 3: The Sharpest Lives
Chapter 4: Welcome To The Black Parade
Chapter 5: I Don't Love You
Chapter 6: House of Wolves
Chapter 7: Cancer
Chapter 8: Mama
Chapter 9: Sleep
Chapter 10: Teenagers
Chapter 11: Disenchanted
Chapter 12: Famous Last Words (Contains Hidden "Chapter," Blood)
The first song, The End, is basically a foreword to open the CD. Since the main character of the story died already, this is told from Gerard's perspective, basically to say that he's about to tell the story of the main character. The second song, Dead!, is the beginning of the story. The main character's (who will from hereon be referred to as "Dude") father is in the hospital. Dude hated his father, so he's hoping that he dies. In This Is How I Disappear, Dude realizes that he loves his father, and doesn't want him to die.
Two chapters later, in Welcome To The Black Parade, Dude decides to make his father proud before he dies. He got together a band called the Black Parade, named after what Dude's father called death when Dude was a child, as described in the lyrics, "When I was a young boy, my father took me into the city to see a marching band / He said, 'Son, when you grow up, would you be the savior of the broken, the beaten, and the danged? / Cause one day, I'll leave you, a phantom, to lead you in the summer, to join the Black Parade.'" Dude performs a play, called the Black Parade, and shows off his lover.
However, the next day, things…don't go so well for Dude and the girl (even though it would be a better name for his sister, his girlfriend will from hereon be dubbed "Dudette"). It seems sort of sad that they didn't last for a day, which is said in the lyrics, "I don't love you, like I did yesterday." I do wonder why he found that he hated his girlfriend. Maybe he realized she was a mannequin that belonged in a store with male mannequins? (I watched the music video)
Later on, in Chapter 7, entitled "Cancer," Dude gets…cancer. He is then hospitalized, and the disease becomes terminal. In chapter 8, he writes a letter to his mom (or is he talking to her in person, or on the phone? I really don't know…) talking about how he never was able to do anything good with his life and he hates himself and the world for it. In the final chapter, entitled "Famous Last Words," he wants his former girlfriend to stay with him as he dies, and only if she does, he'll be satisfied with his life.
OK, now for the actual "review" part. It seemed awkward to me to talk about my opinion on the songs as I told the story, so I saved that for later. As implied by the title, I find Welcome To The Black Parade my favorite song of all-time. I'm serious! You see, I like songs that are basically rock anthems. So, yes, that's sudden, but either way…
I had actually heard Dead! before I got the CD, considering it was on the 360 version of GH2 and all. It was probably the best song on the whole thing, actually… That doesn't mean that's not saying much. Dead! rocks! It's not as good WTTBP, though…
In fact, the only two songs on the CD that DON'T rock are Mama and the hidden track, Blood. Mama is a simply abysmal song. That stupid accent Gerard puts on during that song, and just the way the song as a whole sounds…ugh. Blood is simply…odd.
To make this quick, I'll round up the rest of the best and cover them all in one paragraph. These songs are This Is How I Disappear, I Don't Love You, Teenagers, and Famous Last Words. Famous Last Words is the second best track on the CD, and a great way to end it. Of course, it contains that stupid hidden track, but whatever. I Don't Love You is also great. It's a somewhat softer, slower tune than the rest of my favorites, save Teenagers. This Is How I Disappear is the exact opposite, being a fast-paced, noisy tune. Teenagers is the only song in my favorites that my 12-year-old mind doesn't understand at all. Of course, if teenagers scare the livin' crap outta Dude, that's OK, but…how did he get so scared of teenagers? Whatever. It's a good song, anyway.
Awesome Songs:
Welcome To The Black Parade
Famous Last Words
I Don't Love You
Dead!
This Is How I Disappear
Teenagers
Great Songs:
Cancer
The Sharpest Lives
Sleep
Disenchanted
House of Wolves
Crappy Songs:
Mama
Blood
Overall, The Black Parade gets a 5 out of 5. Sure, there are a couple of cruddy songs, but the rest of the album is great. Besides, Welcome To The Black Parade is my favorite song now, so…
One music review to rule them all, one music review to bind them, one music review to…you know the rest.
Anyway, My Chemical Romance achieved massive success four years ago, with their album Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge, and released smash singles Helena and I'm Not Okay (I Promise). Yes, they were…quite overrated. Since I haven't heard many more than those two songs off their first CD (I've probably heard more, but that's all I remember), it's probably not exactly my place to say, but the only great song from that album that I've heard was Helena.
Either way, that doesn't change the fact that their latest CD, The Black Parade, is simply wonderful. Released two years ago, it is meant to be a story, with the songs being chapters in a book. With my 12-year-old lyric-deciphering abilities, I didn't necessarily get some of the lyrics, but I'll do the best I can…
Foreword: The End
Chapter 1: Dead!
Chapter 2: This Is How I Disappear
Chapter 3: The Sharpest Lives
Chapter 4: Welcome To The Black Parade
Chapter 5: I Don't Love You
Chapter 6: House of Wolves
Chapter 7: Cancer
Chapter 8: Mama
Chapter 9: Sleep
Chapter 10: Teenagers
Chapter 11: Disenchanted
Chapter 12: Famous Last Words (Contains Hidden "Chapter," Blood)
The first song, The End, is basically a foreword to open the CD. Since the main character of the story died already, this is told from Gerard's perspective, basically to say that he's about to tell the story of the main character. The second song, Dead!, is the beginning of the story. The main character's (who will from hereon be referred to as "Dude") father is in the hospital. Dude hated his father, so he's hoping that he dies. In This Is How I Disappear, Dude realizes that he loves his father, and doesn't want him to die.
Two chapters later, in Welcome To The Black Parade, Dude decides to make his father proud before he dies. He got together a band called the Black Parade, named after what Dude's father called death when Dude was a child, as described in the lyrics, "When I was a young boy, my father took me into the city to see a marching band / He said, 'Son, when you grow up, would you be the savior of the broken, the beaten, and the danged? / Cause one day, I'll leave you, a phantom, to lead you in the summer, to join the Black Parade.'" Dude performs a play, called the Black Parade, and shows off his lover.
However, the next day, things…don't go so well for Dude and the girl (even though it would be a better name for his sister, his girlfriend will from hereon be dubbed "Dudette"). It seems sort of sad that they didn't last for a day, which is said in the lyrics, "I don't love you, like I did yesterday." I do wonder why he found that he hated his girlfriend. Maybe he realized she was a mannequin that belonged in a store with male mannequins? (I watched the music video)
Later on, in Chapter 7, entitled "Cancer," Dude gets…cancer. He is then hospitalized, and the disease becomes terminal. In chapter 8, he writes a letter to his mom (or is he talking to her in person, or on the phone? I really don't know…) talking about how he never was able to do anything good with his life and he hates himself and the world for it. In the final chapter, entitled "Famous Last Words," he wants his former girlfriend to stay with him as he dies, and only if she does, he'll be satisfied with his life.
OK, now for the actual "review" part. It seemed awkward to me to talk about my opinion on the songs as I told the story, so I saved that for later. As implied by the title, I find Welcome To The Black Parade my favorite song of all-time. I'm serious! You see, I like songs that are basically rock anthems. So, yes, that's sudden, but either way…
I had actually heard Dead! before I got the CD, considering it was on the 360 version of GH2 and all. It was probably the best song on the whole thing, actually… That doesn't mean that's not saying much. Dead! rocks! It's not as good WTTBP, though…
In fact, the only two songs on the CD that DON'T rock are Mama and the hidden track, Blood. Mama is a simply abysmal song. That stupid accent Gerard puts on during that song, and just the way the song as a whole sounds…ugh. Blood is simply…odd.
To make this quick, I'll round up the rest of the best and cover them all in one paragraph. These songs are This Is How I Disappear, I Don't Love You, Teenagers, and Famous Last Words. Famous Last Words is the second best track on the CD, and a great way to end it. Of course, it contains that stupid hidden track, but whatever. I Don't Love You is also great. It's a somewhat softer, slower tune than the rest of my favorites, save Teenagers. This Is How I Disappear is the exact opposite, being a fast-paced, noisy tune. Teenagers is the only song in my favorites that my 12-year-old mind doesn't understand at all. Of course, if teenagers scare the livin' crap outta Dude, that's OK, but…how did he get so scared of teenagers? Whatever. It's a good song, anyway.
Awesome Songs:
Welcome To The Black Parade
Famous Last Words
I Don't Love You
Dead!
This Is How I Disappear
Teenagers
Great Songs:
Cancer
The Sharpest Lives
Sleep
Disenchanted
House of Wolves
Crappy Songs:
Mama
Blood
Overall, The Black Parade gets a 5 out of 5. Sure, there are a couple of cruddy songs, but the rest of the album is great. Besides, Welcome To The Black Parade is my favorite song now, so…